101 Reasons Why We Left Islam – Chapter 2: Women in Islam – Reason 15
On the topic of polygamy, Muslim men claim that Islam came to reflect Allah’s creation and the natural order of life. They point out how a roaster manages multiple hens; a lion needs multiple lionesses, and bull mates with multiple cows. Throughout nature, we find males to be genetically dominant and designed to mate and build social structures whereby a single male dominates their family tree. Islam has come to manage this ‘natural’ process. Polygamy in Islam comes from one specific verse in the Quran:
Quran 4:3
If you fear you might fail to give orphan women their ˹due˺ rights ˹if you were to marry them˺, then marry other women of your choice—two, three, or four. But if you are afraid you will fail to maintain justice, then ˹content yourselves with˺ one or those ˹bondwomen˺ in your possession. This way you are less likely to commit injustice.
While this verse talks about ‘orphan’ women, it states the limit for how many wives can a man have to be four. Nice to see slave women in men’s possession are an ‘option’!
The parameters for men became as follows: men can have up to four wives as long as they treat them all fairly. This limit is not a lifetime maximum but rather four at a time maximum. They can divorce and marry as many as they like as long as they do not have more than four at a single time. Men can have unlimited women as war bounty sex slaves (the translators politely called “’bondwomen’ in your possession.”)
In the days before the Internet, one of the key arguments that were marketed for the need for polygamy in Islam was that there are more women than men in this world. Therefore, Islam, the most perfect religion, came to solve this problem! I say this because now Islamists find it hard to make this claim. A quick search of UN statistics on gender distribution across the globe or against any country of your choice will return either equal or leaning towards men as the overall data below shows the world population is 50.4% males – with every 100 females, there are nearly102 males:
Because women live on average longer than men, the ratio for eligible men for marriage is even worse! These statistics debunk completely the narrative for polygamy. It suggests that for every 100 females, there is 102 males. In every 100 couples, there will be 2 males left out! To put this in context, Pew Research shows that in 2021 worldwide there was an estimated 44 million more males than female – the size of the population of Algeria!
Islam was supposedly the ‘perfect’ solution that allowed a man to have four females and an unlimited number of concubines. At best, this suggests Islam’s understanding of the world is limited to what might have been the need in 7th-century Arabia. What is more, the author of the Quran has absolutely no understanding of the world. Under the Islamic formula, the discrepancy between males and females would get even worse. And that is not some hypothetical issue. That is a real lived experience in many Arab and Muslim countries, resulting in men having to look for younger and younger girls to secure a mate. More men are being alienated and forced to leave or travel. The only scenario where Islam would work is continuous wars where the surplus of men die in battles, even more die leaving excess widows and orphans for the rich men back home to marry. Does that sound like the scenario predetermined by a peaceful and loving god?
Issue 15.1: The suggestion that having multiple female partners is a universal view is an egocentric primitive male view. This is counterintuitive to what women look for in a mate. In the majority of cases, women seek one person who is loving, loyal, and exclusive to them, and this need transcends different cultures and times. Also, the examples used to justify polygamy are typically biased. We also have many monogamous examples in nature, such as swans, penguins, wolves, dolphins, some species of monkeys and mice, and many more.
Issue 15.2: It is evident that the world population cannot sustain the version of polygamy proposed in Islam. The pressure this puts on men and women is not sustainable and is a cause of frustration and conflict. It explains why so many men end up not being able to marry or having to escape to countries where they could have equal chances of meeting a mate.
Apologists Excuses:
Issue 15.1: Biologists agree with the Islamic view that men are inclined to want and have multiple female mates. The Islamic view creates less opportunity for infidelity and reduces spread of sexually transmitted diseases as it restricts sexual relations within formal marriages. The option to have multiple wives is not open to anyone but rather to those who can afford it and are able to provide the correct support. In countries that do not allow it, men are likely to cheat on their wives and they have a much her sexually transmitted diseases.
>> Our response: The secular view is that men can be married to multiple females, and females can be married to multiple males – if done consensually and under no pressure with the option to walk away if this does not work for anyone part of the agreement. These remain very minor cases. The absolute majority of the cases involve couples with an explicit agreement on fidelity. Islam only takes one view and sets it as a universal view. This is not right and not helped by the Prophet, who is supposed to be the best example to follow in having over 9 wives at one single time. It seems that the Prophet’s wants is what ended up being the only view tolerated. The lack of female partners has raised sex between men, even when they are not gay. This sub-culture thrives in many Islamic countries out of necessity, and STDs do spread but are not reported for cultural reasons. But probably more disturbing is what we see: the abuse of young boys that seems to be, at times, culturally accepted.
Issue 15.2: UN studies on gender distributions only go back to the 1950s, and all previous studies are estimates. Because of wars and diseases, the world population would have been different. For example, after World War II, there were as few as 9 men for every 10 women. This ratio prompted even countries that banned polygamy to allow it temporarily. In a world that historically was at war and more men died than women in battle, Islam provided the perfect solution.
>> Our response: This is a limited view that fails to address how would Islam deals when we have more males than females as the UN and Pew research data show. How can the world address a 44 million shortfall? For example, the birth rate in Azerbaijan, Vietnam, and China is almost 110 males for every 100 females. How would Islam fix that? The only scenario that Islam’s polygamy works is at a time of mass killings and world wars – sounds about right. But is that the world we want to live in?
Final Thoughts:
The polygamy under which men can have many women in Islam further marginalised the role of women as being fractionally equal to men. From the first wife a man gets, she is under constant threat of one day finding he married another woman, claiming she is not ‘satisfying him’. She must please and keep this husband happy otherwise, she may end up ‘sharing him’. Then, she must share the same man and even fight to keep the limited resources for her and her children. It further created tensions within the family and between the siblings of the children of each wife. I have seen it happening to relatives of mine, and it is not a disgusting experience. In a scenario where a man can mate with four females and unlimited concubines, the value of the female member becomes marginalised rather than ever being equal despite any other claims Islamists make.